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Valentine’s Day & Me

Being single, very lonely and bipolar today was difficult. My social circle is minimal, my family aren’t close and I’ve been single for over a year. I find logging on to any social media making me feel ill, and the widespread message of “if you’re single on valentines day, spend it with your friends and family!” which isn’t really an option today.

My current depressive episode is killing me, I cant see a way out even though I know it won’t last forever. My isolation hurts, and even my therapist is struggling to give me advice. although I know I won’t be sad forever, I’m starting to feel like this loneliness will last longer than I expected.

I just want to be appreciated and loved. I want people to reach out to me for care, help and fun rather than having to force myself into other peoples lives. I want people to enjoy my company, and I want to enjoy other people’s company.

Happy Valentine’s Day all, I hope you’ve all been shown the love and appreciation you deserve today.



How mental health effects life.

One thing I have recently noticed is that many people do not realize how much one’s mental health effects daily life. I am going to be explaining how it affects me on a day to day basis, and how people like me would really appreciate it if others could take it into consideration.

I am Bipolar, with a panic disorder and anxiety. Obviously, not everyone will have the same symptoms as me, but making some general notes on how it affects us can be a great start.

Your mental health can have a huge effect on your energy and motivation levels.

My severe mood swings can completely change my energy levels. My positive moods leave me almost manically happy, hyper and very overexcited. However, within minutes, I can become very depressed and almost exhausted. Many people throw the words ‘lazy‘ and ‘boring‘ around when I’m low on motivation. I think its very important for people to have a clear understanding of the difference between lazy people and emotionally drained people.


Cries for help.

One of my main cries for help is when I distance myself from family and friends. I think it’d be really useful if people could be educated on this. It’s not usually natural for humans to push loved ones away, and it can be signs of (and lead to) depression and other feelings of intense loneliness. if you notice anyone you know showing signs of this, don’t be afraid to drop them a message or give them a ring and ask them how they’re doing. It can make them feel a lot better, and even if they’re okay, knowing that someone cares can be hugely reassuring.



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I took this from the Mind website.  It’s very true. I find it difficult to manage money as I have a constant switch between “I really need to save as I need to afford to live/pay rent etc” and “I should treat myself because I’ve been feeling particularly bad recently’ and it can be very dangerous. If you’re in a similar situation or know someone who is, offer them a helping hand. we’d really appreciate someone from the outside world to bring us back into reality. (however! make sure you won’t come across as condescending as this can be quite degrading)



Linking back up to my first point, someone with poor mental health can often lack with motivation and energy to find the will to work enough. Many may find it difficult to concentrate, and others may have difficulty speaking and communicate confidently with people, which makes a lot of popular retail jobs very difficult, especially for young people. However, it may be more positive for others. For me, It helps me distract myself and often makes me feel more positive about myself. It gives me a purpose and sense of self, however, I have to be careful not to overwork myself. My best advice would be to take it slow and know whats best for you, don’t feel like you have to work more just because that’s what people would expect. My advice to employers would be to be accommodating to your employee’s needs. Don’t make it difficult for them, make them feel welcome and don’t single them out.


If you have been affected by any topics I have spoken about today, please speak to a close friend or family. alternatively, you can ring the Samaritans helpline on 116 123, visit http://studentsagainstdepression.org/ and a lot more. this website can be very useful for contacts. Please don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings.




Things I want to learn in 2018

2017 was slow and fairly painful. A lot of shit happened and I struggled a lot. However, I found myself making a lot of mistakes and not resolving or learning from them, which leads me on to introduce these things I want to learn in 2018.


1. How to maintain a strong friendship.

In 2017 I lost a lot of friends. My mental illness caused me to push a lot of people away and I must admit that I treated a lot of people like shit. I need to learn how to be kinder to myself and others, as well as how to communicate properly, especially when discussing my own mental health.

With the many new friends I have already made this year, who have already helped me become a better person, I am going to communicate more, and try not to be afraid of reaching out for help.

2. How to maintain a strong relationship, and knowing when to leave. 

In 2017 I started and got pushed out of a very toxic relationship. It was very one-sided and lacked a lot of communication, which resulted in a messy ending and my mental health spiralling down hill.

In 2018 I need to watch out for the signs of a toxic relationship. I also need to learn that wanting attention is okay. I have started seeing someone which seems very promising, and I’m really looking forward to seeing this relationship progress.

3. How to cheer the fuck up.

I’ll admit that I get myself down a lot. I get myself in a right state and never know how to lift my mood. This year I will practice self-care and learn what cheers me up. I will surround myself with people who care about me and find out how to put myself in a positive environment.

4. Why people do the things they do, especially the dickheads

I had a hard time understanding people in 2017. I took many things personally without realising there could be more to it. I need to think more before I jump to conclusions, and consider others a little more.

5. How to have a good time.

I’m 18 in June, I can’t wait to have a little more freedom and have more responsibilities (as weird as it sounds). I will feel more like myself and I will be able to surround myself with the people I want to surround myself with.

C’mon 2018, be nice to me.



Being 17, Knowing 19, Feeling 21

I am 17. 02/06/2000.

I struggle to keep going at this age. Being a musician, I tend to surround myself with people a lot older than me. I get used to feeling like I am independent and capable, yet I return home to be told that I am not.

I spoke to my therapist about this. My personality disorders don’t help, however, this is something which a lot of young musicians experience. The feeling of living like someone older than you and feeling like you could easily live the life of someone older than you. I am fully aware that it is all part of growing up, however, it is a bit shit.

Things that I associate with this feeling:

  • Going to play a gig, but being the first one to leave due to needing to get the last one home.
  • Watching your friends go out on a Saturday night, while you sit at home due to not being old enough to join them.
  • Being called the baby friend. This isn’t something I dislike but come on guys. Don’t rub it in.
  • Missing out on great opportunities with friends because you’re not old enough to join them (again)

Now that last one gets to me a lot. It was actually the key trigger to the start of my depression.

All I can say is that I know it gets better. Everyone grows up and I can’t wait.


I’m Back… and I’m starting again!

Hi all!

It’s been a while. Turns out I don’t have as much spare time as I thought, and film reviews take longer to write than I thought. That is why I am reinventing myself. Over the past few months, I have realized that I am not quite myself. My mental health took a turn for the worst and lead me to become someone that definitely wasn’t me. I wasn’t happy with the very boring, lonely, quiet and reserved person that I had become, and my new year’s resolution was to break out of my shell and return back to my usual fun outgoing and unique self.

Over the past 7 days, I have managed to rid of what was holding me back. A toxic relationship, a terrible overall mindset and a lack of confidence. Right now I feel relieved that things are getting better and very excited to see what 2018 has in store for me.

This blog is now going to be a little different. A little more personal, and will document my life, which can be very interesting so I suggest you stick around. There will still be film and music reviews, however, they will tend to reflect on their significance to my personal life.

So that’s whats happening this year! You’ll be hearing more from me. I have no schedule planned, however, I’m aiming to get something half interesting out at least weekly.

Thanks for stopping by!

Catch ya soon,


Little Evil (Netflix Original) – My Thoughts

Little Evil, directed and written by Eli Craig, is a comedy/horror about family relationships and the Antichrist. It mainly follows the relationship between Gary (played by Adam Scott) and his stepson, who begins to act a bit odd.

I stumbled across this little gem while perusing through Netflix at 3am. I’m not sure what led me to give it my time.

I thought Little Evil was a great spin on the whole ‘Evil child’ thing. I really enjoyed how this film wasn’t too plot heavy, and was pretty light hearted. This film made me audibly laugh a few times too. I thought the casting was great, and the actors fit the characters perfectly, even if some of the acting is a bit dodgy here and there. The way this film is shot is pretty unique too, with some very Edgar Wright style action scenes.

Overall I would definitely recommend this film to anyone looking for something fun and lighthearted, but nothing groundbreaking!



Apologies for being very inactive recently, currently getting settled into college! I will try my best over the next few weeks to get back into writing!


The Growth of Mediocre Movies

In recent years, I haven’t been able to get my head around the growth of half-arsed films being released constantly. Obviously I’m aware that many film makers are in it for the money, and I am also aware how much money is in Hollywood these days, however, as an artist myself, I don’t understand how so much time and effort is put into films which are obviously not good, or at least not the best they can be.

By ‘mediocre’, I mean films that slightly entertain you, but aren’t anything special or noteworthy. They make enough money and do well enough for the stars and the industry, but again aren’t anything special. Usually, you can spot a mediocre movie from miles off. They’re often sequels (that definitely wasn’t a dig at Fast & Furious. Probably,) or remakes. This can’t always be a bad thing, the Planet Of The Apes franchise being a great example of some great remakes and sequels.

It’s not very often that a completely unique and original film comes out. Sequels are very common, as well as films that are part of a larger franchise (Note: I will excuse Marvel from this, as they seem to be producing some genuinely great films in recent years. D.C. however…)

Lets take a look at the most popular films in cinemas currently. (reference)

Spider-Man: Homecoming, Baby Driver, Wonder Woman, Transformers: The Last Knight, Orja, Despicable Me 3.

Only two of these are completely independent and unique (Baby Driver especially, a new favourite of mine.) These are all pretty great films, but there’s something missing. It’s originality. Something new and fresh, something that sticks in my head for weeks after and makes me want to talk. Surprisingly, the films listed above have been great. However I would love to see more originality in the film industry.

Although it’s only been a short one this week, I hope I’ve made enough sense to get my point across! What are your thoughts? Lets converse!